SOLO KIDS, NUCLEUS FAMILIES
Ashwini Ahuja
The era of bustling great joint family has gone. In old times, in almost all families, there had been at least three or four children. Even, we had been in high spirits if there were more than three four children in our family. Luckily, if they are male kids, parents of them swelled with extreme happiness and pride. But, now; more children & big joint families have become the thing of past thanks to the alteration in social equations in Indian society. Today, more and more young couples prefer to have a single child and nuclear family as well. The feeling of having a single child delights them more than that of having more children.
Almost three decades before, having single child had been a much rarer phenomenon. None dreamt of having a single child because, at that time, the only child tended to be timid, over-protected & socially withdrawn. Then the time came when the concept of two children was publicized, one son and a daughter. But, currently, having a single child, either it is a son or a daughter, has become norm in urban milieu. Both parents fostering financial commonsense desire to provide their single kid with all facilities.
The question is: it is sensible to have a single child? Undoubtedly, single child gets more attention from parents plus better facilities and all opportunities. The single child gets the best of everything, indeed. Parents are very much concerned about providing good education to their single kids. Also, they are keen to provide them private education or as a minimum private tuitions in certain subjects. This can they only do if they have single child's responsibility. But those opposing the single child theory say that single child for all time lacks companionship and it often has to experience adjustment problem later in life. Moreover, single child has a susceptibility to miss out natural life skills.
Alok Chhabra, sociologist counts the major disadvantages of having a single child. Single children don't get the chance of sharing their feelings with other kids in the family. Fighting or quarrelling with the siblings is must to develop a bond between them. Single children don't get such opportunities at home. Psychologists say that when the child fights with his brother or sister it helps to develop a special attachment between them because battle between them is ephemeral. At the end of the day, fighting children unsurprisingly unite again and show more affection for each other. Such bond is possible if you are living with your siblings.
Ashok Sachdeva is a BSNL employee. Forty years back, his parents had decided to have two children. There was a hullabaloo in the family over the parents' decision because at that time, all their relatives have four to five kids and Ashok Sachdeva's grand parents too wanted at least five six grand children. Thanks to the pressure from grandparents, Ashok Sachdeva says, we were five siblings but today my son Dr. Amit has only one daughter and the couple is quite satisfied. As for the male child, Amit says- no, we are happy with our only daughter. She is not less than that of the son for us. We take care of her fully, closely monitor her every progress, and give her every opportunity to get growth, be it in academics, sports or extra curricular activities.
Amit Setia, an academician says that I'm the only son of my parents. When I was in 3rd standard, I had been much interested in painting and drawing, I had then asked my parents to get me some set of oil paints, water colour and canvas and they had accepted my demand happily. He further says that if I had been siblings; maybe, my demands had not been fulfilled. Parents' attentions are always diverted if they have more children.
Mrs. Reetu Bhusri, Principal, Holy Heart Day Boarding Public School, Fazilka (Punjab) says that these days, more couples are deciding to have just solo child for the multiplicity of reasons. The reason of finance is foremost. Couples want to maintain the standard of life, not for the child but for themselves also. So, the single child certainly gets the benefits of family monetary resources focusing upon him or her.
Aarif Lota, engineering student at Chandigarh says that I'm also the only son in my family. Sometimes, I feel the pinch of not having siblings but generally I have no problem at all because I have no competition with anyone at home. I'm privileged to get my parents' undivided love also. Aarif further says if one has good understanding with friends and classmates, they never feel the devoid in their hearts.
Shiv Shanker, a teacher at Chandigarh echoes the same opinions; he says that I too have enjoyed the attention, care and undivided love of my parents as a single child but single children also should not forget his/her responsibilities towards their parents. Shiv Shanker further adds; once, I got an opportunity to study abroad but I didn't prefer going abroad as I could not leave my parents alone.
Navdeep Asija, an IITian at Delhi says single children get the best of everything but if the attitude of the parents towards their single children is slapdash, they also get spoilt. Generally, during their study and meeting with classmates or staying at hostel, single children learn the manners and social behaviour etiquettes so worrying about their adjustment problem is an old phrase. It is an old myth. It all depends upon the upbringing of parents, Navdeep concludes.
Assistant Director, Youth Services, Dr. Kamaljeet Singh Sidhu says that the problem with the single children is that they are used to getting all the attention at home. When they are admitted in school, they find themselves just a face in the crowd, then they create problem in the class and quarrels with classmates. If they are checked, they are often very creative and imaginative. He adds that interaction with others is quite difficult for single children as they are not used to interaction with siblings. If there is more than one child in the family, he/she undoubtedly becomes good at problem solving and negotiating.
Dr. A. N Baghla, a retired lecturer says that single children always look for appreciation & honour. Always looking for appreciation is not healthy behaviour in the long run. If given less attention, children grow up normally. With siblings, children learn to acknowledge others' weaknesses and strength as well and compare them with their own weaknesses and strengths also. So, adjustment is not difficult for such children later in life.
Sunita Monga, a computer teacher states that it is important for the parents of single children that they ought to maintain a balance so that the child can develop in a healthy environment. Sunita further says that single children parents should not try to fulfill their unfulfilled desires through their children and create pressure on them to excel, it can ruin their both physical and mental health.
Sushma Kataria, a teacher at Sacred Heart Convent School says that kids are like clean slate. We can mould them whatever way we want. They are single or those with siblings, it doesn't matter; their emotional cord must be properly monitored. If they are relaxed in their childhood days, they can go ahead in life. They will not look for the dependency on others but the problem with the single children, Sushma adds that they put a lot of pressure on parents, be it academically or in extra curricular activities.
Ashwini Ahuja is a freelance columnist contributing to several magazines across India.
